bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
