Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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