I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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