This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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