I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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