I wish I could teleport
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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