he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You dont lie about slip and slides
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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