she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
