he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
