Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
