Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
