I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
