the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
