I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
