Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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