Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
