stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
