i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
