I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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