She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
