I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
