just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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