i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
