May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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