woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
