fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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