its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Four minutes until I can fart!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
