I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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