Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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