I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
