batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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