i barfeds in our rink
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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