my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
