Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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