Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
