Fuck appropriateness.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
