i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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