but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
