I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Everclear isn't food dammit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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