Can Purell be used as lube?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
