Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
