If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
