If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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