Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
