Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
