you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We had to coat check the pizza.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
