i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
