I forgot how hot balto sounded
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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