last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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