Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
