We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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