Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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